i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
