A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
