R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
