Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
