I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
