Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
