FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
When are your genitals available?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Randomize
