I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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