brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
