I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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