Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
