Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
