Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
