i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
