Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
