The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
