i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
