help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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