Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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