hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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