u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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