K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
