You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
where am i from again
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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