The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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