what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
