shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Randomize
