i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
