i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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