I hate all girls vehemently.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Randomize