i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
