Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
