I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
