awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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