I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
