3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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