i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
