Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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