i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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