You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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