I want to have your abortion
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
