We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Randomize
