A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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