I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
