I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Four minutes until I can fart!
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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