at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
