i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
