This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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