Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
