entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
