Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
