Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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