1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
