your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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