i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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