If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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