My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
