Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
