I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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