last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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