I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
