whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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