Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
