it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
