and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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