i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
